Dean
s.1 - hooked from the beginning, but didn't think too much on it in fear of losing him.
♥s.2 - let myself fall for him and he trades his life for Sammy's
s.3 - they take him away from me. Dean goes to Hell.
I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition...
Cas
s.4(1) - hooked from the beginning, but didn't think too much on it in fear of losing him.
♥s.5(2) - let myself fall for him and he abandons Dean in favor of Heaven.
s.6(3) - they take him away from me. Cas' grace is trapped in Purgatory. (theory)
...are you sensing the pattern here?
This is the bref version of my epiphany, more detailed under the cut:
Season One:
The promos had me hooked from the very beginning but I had recently gone through a pretty tough time in my life and was at a point where I felt that I really couldn't count on anything. Pirates of the Caribbean had gotten old, Tru Calling ended way before it's time, NBC was finally able cancel Friends...bascially I realized nothing good could last.
So I kept my distance but when given the choice between Sam and Dean, it was really no contest and there had to be something other than monsters and plot line to look for ward to every week and panning the entire length of Dean's body in 1.04; in briefs no less...
Dean has always been my man, but I held back on really feeling anything for either him or the show and with that finale...I'm pretty glad I did.
Season Two:
I honestly didn't expect a second season and felt truly blessed that we were given one. I've never been more thankful for anything in my life. I was still a bit unsure of it's continuity, but somehow I let myself fall anyway...and it's now my favorite season.
It began the very first episode, with John's secret revealed to Dean on his deathbed; I knew it would be a killer season. So when Dean took out his frustrations on the Impala, then finally opened up to Sam on the side of the road...I knew I was hooked on him, too.
So, of course he makes a deal and has one year to live...or find some way to save himself without Sam dropping dead in his place.
Season Three:
I spent the entire season aggravated with Dean for what he'd done and the way he was dealing with it. If not for that damn writer's strike, Dean would've been saved. But with only 16 episodes in the season, there just wasn't time...and Dean went to Hell.
Then again, if Dean were saved, there'd be no angels...
Season Four:
I loved Castiel from day one. Before we knew what he was, he scared the hell outta me, but that just seemed to make it all the more exciting and frankly, pretty damn sexy. And he saved Dean's ass from Hell; he's always been ok by me. But...angel or not, he was a guest star and likely to die at any given time.
Season four bugged me and I could never figure out why...but that uncertainty about his time on the show, never mind his loyalties, really rubbed me the wrong way. I was tired of the back and forth whiplash of emotion by the end and when he let Sam outta the panic room, I was done. Dean still believed in him, but all I wanted was for Cas to get Dean to Sam because even if they couldn't stop it, at least they'd be together. I never expected him to sacrifice himself...
Season Five:
Best. Season. EVER!
With my love for Dean a given, it's really no wonder I fell for Castiel as he did. I just rolled with the punches and 5.03 settled it... Cas and I have a lot in common, probly why I felt a certain connection to him 4.16, but I'm a virgin too, and I do have a friend who, at the time, wanted me to have drunken sex with some random guy just to get it done.
With the tension from the previous episode with the necklace exchange, it was good to laugh out loud, relax and really enjoy Cas for the first time in that brothel, the poor thing looked terrified! And that is the exact moment I let myself fall in love with him....
Season Six:
At this point, I think I was more in love with Cas than Dean...but put the two together and you just can't go wrong, lol.
I tried so hard to see the old, falling Cas in this re-powered state and held on as long as I could - up to the very end - even when Dean lost all faith in him, I wouldn't. I think the "There has to be another way" catch-phrase from s.5 overflowed into s.6 a bit too much...or love made me blind. Sure did for Dean because Cas sucks at lying, Dean knows this and still he couldn't see it (I could, but I wanted to believe everything would be okay).
Now, with all the lies and bad decisions on both sides, Cas is an almighty dick of a god who's incredibly cocky and needs to be knocked down a peg or two. It's not Cas - whether he's trapped inside himself or in Purgatory - and I think its time Dean returned the favor. (because there's no way he's gonna kill him♥)
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